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Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants: Frugal vs Cheap
Maureen of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants wrote a fabulous article that I think speaks to both the brides who read this blog and the professionals out there The link is first, but I just had to print the text afterward:
http://memorableceremonies.blogspot.com/2010/10/planning-your-frugally-verseses.html
The Simple Dollar offers an excellent distinction between being frugal and being cheap. I'll paraphrase it: one who is frugal looks for the best value for their money. One who is cheap will consider paying only the rock-bottom price for anything, regardless of the quality.
Of course, I had to take this comparison and relate it to the wedding planning scenario. Ergo, here is my comparison between the Cheap and the Frugal Bride. Believe me, I see them both on a daily basis!
A cheap bride is everyone's worst nightmare. She will lower herself to commit unspeakable acts of mayhem all for the glory of bragging about the great deal she obtained. A frugal bride, on the other hand, is genuinely admired for her skill at determining what she wants and thoughtfully pursuing affordable and good-quality resources to bring her desires into reality.
Cheap brides enter the wedding planning process armed with an attitude of lack. "I don't have the money." "It's too expensive." "Wedding vendors only want to charge top dollar and rip you off." "I can't afford that." "I'm so jealous, So-and-so had so much more money to spend on her wedding."
Frugal brides take on the task of planning their wedding with an attitude of joy (and perhaps a bit of adventure). "How can I make this work?" "What are my priorities for my wedding day and how do I budget accordingly?" "How creative can I get?" "Can I do this myself or with the help of my friends and family?" "How did other brides do things creatively and frugally?"
Cheap brides begin every vendor contact with "How much is it?" Frugal brides ask more thoughtful questions, learn what the vendor offers and if the services are more than they can afford will say, "Your service sounds perfect for me, but my budget is $X.XX. Is there any way your package can be modified to accommodate me?"
Cheap brides tend to be...well...kinda victimy (there just isn't a tactful way to say it). "Poor me, I can't have the wedding day of my dreams because (fill in the blank) I don't make enough money, my parents can't afford it, wedding vendors are all in cahoots to scam me, I'm not creative, I'm too busy, yada, yada, yada..."
Cheap brides tend to perceive their wedding vendors (once they finally find the cheapest they can find and actually hire them) as their adversaries. The assume that the vendor is only out to take advantage of them by maximizing their profit. She has already browbeaten them down to their lowest possible fee, but then the cheap bride must also be hyper-vigilant to ensure that her vendors toe the line and do everything that she is paying for them to do (which quite frankly, probably isn't much).
The frugal bride realizes that reputable vendors truly want her to have the best wedding day experience possible. That is, after all, how they stay in business. She expresses her wishes and trusts their professional judgment and integrity knowing that her vendors ar on her side.
Frugal brides tend to be more realistic. "I may have to cut back my guest list if I want to have a higher-end meal for the reception." "If we save money by making our own invitations, then I can splurge on the high-end photographer I love." "I'd like to be married in a romantic ceremony for just the two of us so we can use the money for something else."
For a cheap bride, getting something for a rock bottom price is the primary objective. She will opt for the vendor whose style doesn't suit her simply because they have the lowest price. She will ferret out the lowest price possible for every aspect of her wedding.
A frugal bride takes into account price, quality, and perhaps (in cases such as the officiant, the photographer or the wedding planner) the connection she has with the vendor. She is also realistic about her life situation, how much time she has, what her talents and resources are and she chooses vendors or DIY projects accordingly.
Trent of the Simple Dollar summarizes the difference between frugality and cheapness as being one of thought. I couldn't agree more. It's been my experience that frugal brides put much more thought into their wedding planning than cheap brides. This makes sense, for a frugal bride is guided by many criteria: budget, time, values, experience, research, resources and priorities. The cheap bride, on the other hand, has only one objective: to get it as cheaply as possible.
If you're a wedding vendor reading this, then share your stories of cheap verses frugal brides by leaving a comment. And if you are (or were) a frugal bride, please share a tip.
And for the cheap brides?? Well, they were probably only reading this blog for the free information and I'm willing to bet they didn't get past the second paragraph before moving on anyway, so no worries.
The staff of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants write and perform unique, joyful and memorable wedding ceremonies in Colorado, California and Oregon. Visit our regional websites for more info:
Lyssabeth's:
Colorado Wedding Officiants
Bay Area, CA Wedding Officiants
Colorado Springs Wedding Officiants
Western Slope Wedding Officiants
Monterey CA Wedding Officiants
Fort Collins Wedding Officiants (Northern CO)
Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants (Colorado Mountains)
Oregon Wedding Officiants
Oregon Coast Wedding Officiants
What a Great Ceremony Idea!
There are so many ways to personalize your wedding ceremony! Here are some delightful little notions to consider.
“The lineup”
Who do you pick? Best Women? Men of Honor? Moms? Dads? Siblings? Your Children? Your Dogs? Or no one? Those you choose to “stand up” with you should be chosen carefully, not out of obligation, but because they belong next to you, as they’ve always been. The “sides” don’t have to balance out!
The MusicWhat music do you love? Reggae? Gospel? Vintage Sinatra? Depeche Mode? You can choose music that expresses your personality and your relationship in many original ways beyond the traditional classical selections. For the processional, you need to be able to walk (or dance!) in to the beat. The recessional should be a joyous accompaniment to your first walk as married partners!
Processional
How will you all get down the aisle? In a crazy dancing group? Will your dads, moms, or both walk you down? Will your children walk with you? Your dog? Or will you walk together. Each choice sends a different message about your history, your present and your future.
Gratitude
So many people to thank! The most popular gratitude ceremonies include moms or other treasured women, handing them roses, photo journals, or other tokens of your thanks. You may have sponsors or mentors who have been key to your growth as individuals and a couple. Who are you the most thankful for? How can we express that!
Remembrance
“We are all the culmination of the people who came before us, and we are here to finish the dreams left unfinished.” Playwright Welly Yang. There are many ways to honor the friends and relatives who are such an important part of our histories. A moment of silence within the ceremony is one; photos and mementos displayed at the reception is as well. If you’re wearing your grandmother’s ring or your uncle’s bow tie, let’s mention that as a fond acknowledgement of their presence and influence in your lives.
Love Story
It is yours alone! What makes you special? What is unique about him, about her, about yous twos together? What do even people who THINK they know you, not know? What is your fondest, maybe unspoken dream for the future? What is your funniest guilty pleasure?
Special GuestsWho do you know who tells a great story? Sings like a pro? Play the harp? Do card tricks? Great! Enlist them to participate in the ceremony in ways that are comfortable for them. Your guests will love a break from ME talking, and your talented friends will know that they’ve given you a special gift.
VowsWrite them, steal them, repeat them after me. Read them from an antique book or a velvet notebook; read them from your ipod, blackberry, from post it notes, valentines or, as one of my grooms did, write it on a banana. Make them funny, make them serious, make them rhyme. But make them you.
With this Ring
How about a “ring warming”, a beautiful ritual in which each guest holds the rings and infuses them with their hopes and dreams for you. How about your parents presenting you with your partner’s ring and giving a little blessing or a few words of celebration as they do? How about tying them (securely!!) to your dog/ring bearer? How about, instead of a ring pillow, a treasure chest? A cupcake? A fishing pole? Something that is as original as you are?
Unity
Of course, there is the unity candle ceremony. But there is also the pouring of the sand, various sharing of beverages (wine, tea, tequila, sake, chocolate milk…you name it; if it can be shared, I’ve helped couples share it!) There is a sharing of chocolate, sushi, bread and salt, even water. You can saw a log in half (if you’re Swedish and your venue will let you….), you can include a handfasting or drape your shoulders in a blanket or cord.
Bye ByeBefore you dance down the aisle, we’ll announce you as husband and wife, partners and family, Pinky and Brain, or anything else you’d like to be called. Maybe we’ll break a glass (or a Christmas bulb, as one of my mixed-tradition couples did). Or jump the broom. Or leave to a shower of bubbles, noisemakers, confetti canons, birdcalls, rattles, bells rose petals, popcorn or sparklers. Your imagination is your only limit! And now, let’s get this party started!
posted bt Celia Milton, Celebrant
